Editor’s note: I am off on my honeymoon and have some amazing guest posts lined up for you guys. Today, Erika from MCM Mama Runs is sharing five things learned from 20 years of marriage. Oh, how appropriate this is as I approach 6 months of marriage. 🙂
Courtney is off enjoying her honeymoon (yeah, I’m a bit jealous), so she’s asked me to fill in for her today. Since I’ve been married for almost 20 years (I was totally a child bride *wink*), I thought I’d share the perspective of someone who’s been traveling the road for a while. I’m very lucky that I made an excellent choice in husband and that our marriage has been strong from the beginning. I’m also lucky that my parents have been happily married for 45 years. Over those years, I’ve learned a few things.
1.Marriage is not easy. If it were, the divorce rate wouldn’t be so high. Marriage takes work. Make the time to stay connected with your spouse, no matter how busy your lives are, no matter how demanding your children are, no matter what other things are going on in your lives. Putting in the effort along the way is a whole lot easier than trying to put things back together once they’ve started to fall apart.
2. There are things about your spouse that will drive you batshit crazy. Seriously. You can’t live with someone for 20 years and not have pet peeves. I’m am also 100% sure I do things that drive him crazy too (I could probably even list the top 5 things I do that annoy him, but I do them anyways because they are part of who I am.) It’s near impossible to change a person, so focus on changing your response. Remember to not sweat the small stuff. And most of it is small stuff.
3. Sometimes you do have to go to bed angry. Not every problem has an immediate resolution. Sometimes you are so emotionally invested in your viewpoint that you can’t see the other side. Take a step back and take some time to calm down. Often, after both have had the time to ponder an issue, a compromise can be found or it will become clear that one path makes the most sense.
4. Every relationship will go through rough patches. Even the most compatible couple will have times when married life is rough. Outside stressors can make things seem rocky. But a rough patch does not a bad marriage make. In fact, rough patches handled well make a marriage stronger.
5. There are no winners or losers. Our society is a competitive one. Everyone wants to be right. That doesn’t work in marriage. If you need to prove you are “right” or always get the outcome you want, your significant other comes out as a loser. Instead of that mindset, look for the best path for your family unit. Find the compromise that you can both live with.
Marriage is an amazing thing. Being with someone who has seen you at your worst and loves you and accepts you anyways is one of the greatest experiences ever. I wish Courtney and her husband a wonderful honeymoon and many, many years of togetherness.
Erika, the mom behind the blog MCM Mama Runs, first began running to combat postpartum depression. What started as a few times a week, 30 minute commitment soon led to a half marathon and then her first full marathon. 2 full marathons, 34 half marathons, and a ton of other races later, Erika is well on her way to running a race in all 50 states. Join her on her blog where she talks about training and racing while trying to balance work, kids, pets, and her love of craft beer. Follow Erika on twitter, facebook, instagram, or bloglovin!
Thank you so much for sharing this post. I needed to read this like now. Only two months married and I’m like what have I done?! Lol it’s tough. But love is worth it…
Jess@Flying Feet in Faith recently posted…Wisdom Wednesday: SMART Girls…Bigger Than Me
Ha! Sometimes the first few months are hardest until you settle into a rhythm, but you’ll get there. Congrats on your recent marriage!
MCM Mama recently posted…How to eat the rainbow
See we do have lots in common Eirka! I’m approaching my 20 years this year too. I agree with all of this except that I’m pretty sure I don’t do anything annoying-it’s totally all him. I would add it’s important to have your own interests and hobbies as well. That works for us! Nice post 🙂 Courtney hope you are having a great time and not reading any of this.
Deborah @ Confessions of a Mother Runner recently posted…The day I did all the Pinterest workouts I pinned
Ha! I actually think we got married on the exact same day…
And yes to different hobbies, but having a shared hobby is good too. Good thing we both love beer and travel…
MCM Mama recently posted…Thinking out loud
Have a great honeymoon Courtney! Nice post Erika! While I am not married – found it a good read 🙂
Jennifer recently posted…Tasty Thursday – Holiday Cornflake Wreaths
Thanks! Have a great day!
MCM Mama recently posted…Thinking out loud
This is great. Marriage is not easy! My husband and I have been married for 26 years. We’ve had lots of ups and downs. Sometimes he drives me crazy. But then something happens, things turn around, and I realize how lucky I am.
Wendy@Taking the Long Way Home recently posted…Not fair
Yes! And for us, getting out just the two of us goes a long ways towards him not driving me totally insane LOL.
MCM Mama recently posted…Thinking out loud
This is great! As I’ve learned over the past 3.5 years, marriage isn’t what Hollywood makes it out to be. It definitely takes a lot of time, patience, and work.
Kathryn @ Dancing to Running recently posted…My Goals for Sunday’s Christmas Town Dash 8k
Yes, it does. A lot more than anyone realizes at the start.
MCM Mama recently posted…Thinking out loud
Great post! We had our 5th anniversary this year so I’ve definitely still got a lot to learn 🙂 I so agree with your last point about not looking for winners and losers. We are so trained to bean count and make sure we’re “winning” but that’s a losing formula for any relationship. And I try to remind myself every day how lucky I am to have found someone that I am so compatible with. I think we can forget the little things that attracted us to a person in the first place amongst all the mundane things we have to do in our daily lives.
Chaitali recently posted…Armpocket give away 2!
Exactly. Sometimes I’ll be so frustrated with all the day to day stuff and then we’ll get a chance to do something social together and it’s like “oh yeah, I do like you and enjoy being with you” LOL.
MCM Mama recently posted…Thinking out loud
Congratulations on your (almost!) 20 years, Erica! That is fantastic! Thanks for sharing your tips; I really enjoyed it.
Tara @ Running ‘N’ Reading recently posted…Book Review: Passionate Nutrition by Jennifer Adler
Thanks!
MCM Mama recently posted…Thinking out loud
Great post Erika!! I’m not married yet either but definitely think this was a great read. And applicable to all relationships really.
Mar @ Mar on the Run recently posted…“I Mustache You” – Thinking Out Loud v4
Yes, sometimes my mom drives me crazy too and I have to remember that she’s one of my favorite people. ;o)
MCM Mama recently posted…Thinking out loud
What a great guest post! I have been married for about 6 1/2 years and every day is not a fairytale but it a blessing! Erika, I agree with everything you said. I would add, Making time for each other is so important, especially once kids come along. Courtney I hope you are enjoying every second of your honeymoon!
Stephanie recently posted…Fit Mommy of the Month: Year in Review