The New York Times Style Section published an article touting a new-ish book called The Gaggle: How the Guys You Know Will Help You Find the Love You Want. The authors insist that they are advocating for young women who are in the “post dating” reality.
“If you want to hook up, hook up, they said. And afterward, they advised, be natural. Crack a joke. Have some food. Act as if fun, casual sex is just that: fun, casual sex — nothing more.”
Ack. It was when I read that line that I was inspired to blog about this. I am a firm believer that most women (notice I said most, not all. I recognize there are exceptions) who are actively dating (or want to be actively dating) want to be in a relationship. They do not want to constantly be hooking up, and constantly wondering about the state of their relationships. I think the general idea of using your current connections to introduce you to other single men makes a lot of sense. But I just do not agree with this culture of encouraging women to be “causal” about everything. Intimate relationships are anything but casual and encouraging women to act like they are is a mistake.
I want to make clear that I’m not suggesting that something is wrong with women (and men) who choose to have a casual relationship with someone. I think that is a personal decision and if it works for you, then sure. But my problem is that the suggestion here is that women should act as if it works for them even if it doesn’t. Why should a woman pretend to be okay with something she isn’t okay with? I’ve seen this play out (I’ve even experienced it myself, somewhat) and it isn’t pretty. Anytime someone is pretending to be fine with something that makes they are not actually fine with, trouble ensues. What do you think? I am just overreacting? Has anyone read this book and care to share?