“Hey mami, can I run with you?”
“You got those track thighs, girl.”
“[Insert loud cheering, hollaring and general whistles directed my way]”
Chances are, if you are a woman, and walk/run pretty much anywhere (but especially in a major city), you’ve experienced exchanges like the ones I quoted above. For numerous reasons (none of which I truly understand), men often feel compelled to comment on the bodies of women they don’t know. I even had a guy say something inappropriate to me last Sunday as I was walking home from church — what killed me is that he was clearly leaving church (NOT my church) as well. UGH. I think that most men who do this don’t even think twice about it. Honestly, sometimes I don’t, either. Sometimes the most innocuous of the comments roll off my back and I imagine it’s this guy just saying hello…
But most of the time, I’m annoyed. Annoyed that someone feels that they have the right to comment on my thighs, my run, on me. Annoyed that this same man would be irate if someone repeated his comments to his mother, sister, wife, etc. Annoyed because I shouldn’t have to walk or run down the street and deal with this stuff.
I should point out here that sometimes when I’m walking or running, I will receive an actual compliment. Compliments are those statements along the lines of “good form,” “keep it up,” “nice dress,” or just more general greetings and acknowledgments like “hello.” I never mind things like that. But anything that references my shape, body, or any of that is not a compliment. And it shouldn’t be a part of my morning run.
Have you experienced this? How do you handle it?
We had guys hanging out their car windows this morning and hooting on our group run. It definitely reinforced the “safety in numbers” mentality when running in a city for me!
yeah, it is just so frustrating to have to deal with that!
Ugh, that’s so annoying, but also kind of funny that they think something like that would actually work. One time I got a “hey girl, what you running from?” and it’s like “hey boy, YOU” 🙂 I just ignore it though and keep going with the flow. No sense in encouraging that nonsense.
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yeah when running i just keep running. when i am just walking around, i’m more likely to push back and let them know their comments are inappropriate.
I totally feel ya…I live in the ATL. I haven’t actually experienced that on a solo run, but sometimes I run with Black Girls RUN! and booooy do they start honking their horns when they see a group of women in running tights, etc zooming down the street. Their comments get ignored, but it still makes me a little self conscience on what apparel I choose to wear when I’m not running with the hubs.
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yeah, it does make me think about what i’m wearing but in this heat (and i went to college in ATL so i know y’all have the SAME heat!) it’s short shorts all the way. that doesn’t mean we should have to deal w/this mess. ugh, so frustrating!
I don’t even thing that they think this will “work” but it’s just a way of asserting their power over women 🙁 I can’t believe someone actually catcalled you while they were leaving church! I would have been tempted to go in there and say something to his spiritual leader about that one. Of course, pushing back is always a delicate calculation because you never know when it will put you in actual danger. For the most part I just try to ignore it and get away as quickly as possible.
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i know, i thought about it with that guy coming from a church. but you’re right – it’s delicate because you never know and i didn’t want to get into it right outside my home. sigh…
Yes yes yes. Simple hello’s or “keep it up” or “way to go” are whatever, but any comment on a woman’s body is invasive. We are so inundated as women with societal criticism of our bodies at any size, that we don’t need ANY more of it coming from complete strangers directly at us when we’re minding our own business. It’s like these men think because we have the audacity to have left our houses we are giving them a direct invitation to invade our most personal property. It may seem harmless to them, and it may even seem harmless to other women, but maybe those people haven’t struggled with body image or paid attention to and unconsciously internalized constant demands on the way “women should look.” For those of us who’ve been affected by that, whether it’s by female peers, male partners, or just the cover of magazines, it’s an invasion of privacy, property, and personal space and men just don’t get it.
I usually ignore it, or roll my eyes so they can see I’m unimpressed with their display of peacock feathers. One time a man told me I should smile and I just blinked at him, which made him told me I need to “lighten the fuck up” because I “must be a bitch.” I lost it at him in the middle of 7-11 for all to see. I told him I did not show up to that establishment to make him feel more comfortable in his environment by smiling like a child’s plaything. He shuffled quickly off.
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OMG. the “smile” comments drive me insane. i didn’t want to get into it when i was writing the post because it can really set me off, but i 100% agree. it is not my job to smile to make someone else feel more comfortable. ugh ugh ugh!!!!
That is so frustrating! I wish they understood how women do not see comments like that as a compliment at all. What I tend to get while running, or while just out in general is the command to “smile!” It drives me up a wall, because what makes them think I owe them a smile? What bothered me more than the cat calls happened when I I first started running a year and a half ago. I had two people on separate days feel the need to yell out one from their car and the other their house “Hey you! You’re slow!”
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yes yes yes! i’ve never had anybody yell about my pace or speed. that would really upset me. i’m sorry that happened to you — how rude!
I’ve gone through lots of different feelings about this. Obviously men who make you feel unsafe while you are out are one thing. I don’t think most of them are actually harmful. When they say things like, “hey baby do you want to…?” do they actually think you will turn around and say, “ok?”. What would they do if you did? A few weeks ago I was running with an older more prissy friend we ran by a construction area and they didn’t say anything but she was offended that they were oggling us. I decided it was better to be admired than ignored.It’s nice when men are complimentary but the rude, crude call outs are just unnecessary and disrespectful.
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i don’t necessarily think they are purposefully trying to be harmful but it doesn’t change the fact that it is. it’s this whole culture where they feel as if they have the right to say whatever they want to whomever. it is so inappropriate and so frustrating.
I agree it is so annoying. I have been honked out, told to go faster, told to smile, etc! The other day I even had someone shout out to me “Keep running, your fat.” I am not overweight but it still hurt me and messed up my zone. Its not okay!
NOT OKAY!
Street harassment is the reason I stopped running for almost 3 years. I was tired of the catcalls, lip smacking, whistles, kiss noises, men “accidentally” bumping into me…the last straw was a man exposing himself to me. Going for a run wasn’t worth all that. I’ve slowly taken running back, but only really feel comfortable if I’m running with a group. Being harassed isn’t a compliment, ever. It’s a power play meant to degrade.
it is not a compliment and there is a big difference! thanks for sharing your story, meghan.
I’ve dealt with this before, though thankfully not where I live now. I hate it and find it so inappropriate and demeaning. Unfortunately I don’t feel like there’s anything I can do. :/
Erin @ Girl Gone Veggie recently posted…Trail Running 101 for Beginners
I’m not sure I even want to here the “keep it up”s and the “good job”s from random strangers that I don’t know…just seems creepy to me. I often find myself in the downtown area of my city, during long runs, and we have a large population of homeless individuals who congregate early on Saturday/Sunday mornings near a local Salvation Army chapter prior to its opening; I always know I’m going to hear something, so I just prepare myself, smile and keep going. Ugh. So annoying.
Tara @ Running ‘N’ Reading recently posted…Running Groups
So agree with you on this. So annoying! And stupid! Why do they have to say things?! I don’t get it much when I run because I usually run at 5:15 a.m. on the river trail, and few people are out then except for other runners. But I live right in the city and walk everywhere, so when I’m by myself I usually just smile, look down, and don’t make direct eye contact. Ever since I adopted my dog, though, I’ve found that walking with him really helps. He is a very striking, beautiful dog, so people comment on him and not me now. And, I taught him the “hurry, hurry!” command to walk quickly, so if someone who gives me the creeps wants to chat me up about my dog, I just continue to walk and whisper “hurry, hurry!” to my dog so it just looks like I’m keeping up with my fast dog.
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I was the recipient of, “Giiiiirl, run that weight off!” This was shouted by a man, through the passenger side, where his about 10 year old son was sitting. Excuse me, sir. Teach your kid some respect. And maybe yourself, while you’re at it.
UGHH This is actually the worst. If I had a dollar every time someone threw a “hey baby” comment my way I would have…A LOT of dollars. Like do guys actually think we’re going to stop and respond to that? Like yes, please let me date you after you killed my run vibe. No thanks!
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Ugh. Yes and it’s so annoying. Usually it is things that are yelled at me out of car windows so I don’t really have time to form a response. I don’t even know what I would say beyond flipping them off anyway. I would just like to know if this type of thing ever worked on anyone…like oh yeah I love being whistled at. Let’s go on a date.
Please. Haha.
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yes! so annoying and so inappropriate and just not okay!
I’ve actually had guys tap me on the shoulder when I was stopped at an intersection to ask me out or make a comment despite that I have headphones in my ears and clearly have my own agenda of, um, running. I don’t understand it. I’ve never had the urge to do the same to a man, so it gobsmacks me.
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Seriously?! The man was leaving church!? I’m just shaking my head. Being on the receiving end of these comments is beyond frustrating – and depending on my mood my response varies. I am lucky that I don’t deal with it on my runs living in the ‘burbs.
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Ugh, I think you probably experience that a whole lot more in the city than we do out in the suburbs.
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Ugh…I HATE this! It’s rude, crude, and socially unacceptable (to directly quote my grandmother)! On a more personal level I find it even more enraging because I’m a feminine gay woman. You’ve not only assumed that I would even give you the time of day, but also that I’m even interested in someone of your gender. It’s DOUBLY unwelcomed. I usually just roll my eyes and ignore it, hard as that is, because I refuse to give any of my energy to that kind of behavior.
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I’m all about the friendly wave or smile, but the comments you get from passing cars of guys sometimes is creepy…especially if I am running on my own.
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I’ve had dudes pull in front of me in driveways to get my attention. I hate that because I am in a zone when I run and now these jokers just blew that. I also live in the “hood” and have been pulled over for solicitation by dudes and the police. I’ve had groups of young boys follow me very close… I run with weaponry now.
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