It’s time for more Real Talk here on the blog. I thought I’d talk a bit about the things they don’t tell you about wedding planning before you get engaged. I should say that I’m not trying to complain — but like most things, there are some surprising things that have happened during this process. Since we’re officially T-3 weeks, I thought I’d share!
- Everyone will have an opinion. Figure out early whose matters to you. For me, that includes obvi K, my parents and my close, close friends. Everyone else, I politely tune out. Folks all mean well. But very few folks know your whole vision — and without that, it can be hard for folks to understand why you are doing certain things. Listen to those who are in your inner circle and smile and nod at the rest.
- People will surprise you. In both good ways and bad. I’ve been overwhelmed by the generosity of my friends and family and shocked by some of the snarky comments we’ve heard. Nothing too awful but a few “well we’re not invited anyway” remarks have made it my way. What’s been interesting is that no one has sad any of this to me. And it’s only been a few folks. But I just was kind of surprised – I never really expected folks who apparently feel entitled to come to our wedding. The truth is if we could, we would probably invite about 100 more people. But we can’t and that’s just a fact. If you find yourself in a similar situation, just be prepared for this.
- Wedding planning is HARD. You and your fiance will fight. I mean, this is real talk, right? The chances are high that you and your love have never planned a party for 150 of your closest friends and family members. It is not easy. You will get annoyed, you will argue, you may even question if you really want to marry this person who can’t plan the rehearsal dinner/corral his groomsmen/fill in the blank. It’s normal. I’ve had a lot of good runs where I’ve just let go whatever was upsetting me. Shake it off — it happens and it’s okay. Remember why you are getting married — and take time to do fun things that are NOT wedding related!
- You have to get comfortable saying no. You may have a vendor who’s not working for you and have to tell your planner (not mine, I love you Hannah!) or your florist or your _____ NO. And that’s your right. It’s you and your fiance’s wedding and what you both want is most important.
- That being said, YES it is your wedding and YES it is about you and your fiance…but…it’s not JUST about you. You are a host and therefore should be a gracious one. Yes, what you want is important…but think about your guests as well. For example, one of the reasons we aren’t getting married in DC is that parking is a disaster and I couldn’t imagine my grandmother and other family members having to navigate that. That’s also why we searched for a place where we could do both the ceremony and the reception. Not that that is a necessity, but you get the point. It ain’t just about you!
Weigh in…what do you wish you would’ve known about wedding planning before you started?
Oh if you think everyone has an opinion now wait until you have kids!! LOL. I remember how stressful wedding planning can be especially this close to the event. Hang in there and enjoy everything!
Deborah @ Confessions of a Mother Runner recently posted…My kids favorite Banana Bread
oh jeez — i can ONLY imagine 🙂 thanks deborah 🙂
AMEN on everyone having an opinion, and a very rude one at that. I’m very artsy, so I have an idea in my head of how I want things. I have had my (very rude) mother straight-up tell me that she thinks a few of my decisions are stupid and ugly. It has been really hard not to get emotional, but I’m starting to care less and less what other people feel they need to say.
Cheri @ Overactive Blogger recently posted…Luluemon Run Club
ugh. that can be SO stressful. go with your gut and try not to take it personal. been there, lady!
This! All. Of. This.
Amelia recently posted…Early summer progressions
thanks, lady 🙂
My best advice is “Those who Pay have a say”. This works in all aspects of life!
We had a destination wedding so I didn’t get to do much planning. I just picked things off a website and said, “that will do”!
Meranda@fairytalesandfitness recently posted…Can You Inspire Other Runners to be Joyful, Healthy, and Confident?
LOL – love that saying! pretty hilarious 🙂
It’s all so true…. I mean, it’s supposed to be a party, but there was so much disagreement and politics and whatnot in the build up. I do NOT missing planning the wedding, I am so glad mine is over!
Anne @ Unique Gifter recently posted…Practical Gifts for New Graduates
some days i feel as if i’ll miss the planning. other days, i’m ready to scream! 🙂
You’ve so nailed it! I think what most people forget is that you are planning to be married – the wedding/party/reception is just the bonus and celebration.
exactly!
Love YOU! Praying for lots of grace in the remaining weeks! Excited to get to be part of your special day! XOXO
Hannah recently posted…Hair today, gone tomorrow
aw, thanks hannah! love you 🙂
Yes! We really tried to focus on a few things – a ceremony that was right for us (bc that’s the part that mattered to us most!) and a party where our friends could dance, eat good food, have fun, and not be too inconvenienced with things like transportation. I hope we were at least somewhat successful with the latter (the ceremony was exactly what we had hoped for!) I was lucky in that I didn’t have too much commentary from the masses, and my parents (and Billy for the most part) were very “whatever you want works for us.” Saved quite a few headaches! But yes, I was pleasantly surprised by many people (including many kind words from people who we simply could not invite) but I was also not so pleasantly surprised by some unexpected negativity. Haters gonna hate, I guess 🙂
you guys had a wonderful wedding — we really enjoyed it! and yes, the surprises from people have been so interesting (to say the least :)) welcome back from the honeymoon!
Jenny, yours was wonderful! I’m anticipating some comments on ours being somewhat less convenient… but am trying to make it as manageable as possible. It’s hard trying to live up to all the awesome weddings your friends have had 😉
The saying no and sticking to my guns about decisions have definitely been the hardest parts for me. Luckily, K is awesome so regardless of whatever happens, the two of you will be HAPPILY married by the end of the day!
and megs, that last part is the most important thing 🙂 your wedding (and marriage) is gonna be beautiful. just like y’all!
Girl yes to all of these! I’m still pretty far out but we have already had so many opinions thrown our way…tuning out is the best thing to do! Glad it’s not just my friends/family!
Lindsay @brokeandbougie recently posted…I Did Something Carazzayy (for me)
NOT just your family / friends, girl. definitely NOT 🙂
You guys are a gorgeous couple!
And you are SO right about the opinions coming from all angles which was the reason that we almost ended up eloping. But then we had a destination wedding instead which comes with it’s own set of craziness. Such as key members of your family won’t want to make the trip. That was pretty much a huge shock for me.
I can’t believe you are three weeks out. I can’t wait to see your wedding pics!!
Lauren recently posted…Misadventures of a Parenting Yogi {A book review!}
aw, thanks so much Lauren! weddings do bring their own method of crazy 🙂
My biggest surprise was the snarky comments! You hear that people get crazy over weddings… I had some people post anonymous mean messages on my wedding website! Pretty sure we know who it was too. It was amazingly appalling. Weddings make people crazy!!! Enjoy it, it goes by so fast. But I was also so happy it was over.
TRUTH. All of that is exactly how I felt after wedding planning! No one tells you how hard it is! Here’s another one for you: no one tells you that people will call you the week of your wedding and complain to you about the weather. Um excuse me, I didn’t order that hot weather from mother nature so why are you complaining to me? I got that a lot. My wedding was crazy hot and humid but everything turned out fine and we’re still married! Good luck, the end is the hardest but by the time the rehearsal rolls around it’s so much fun!
Kristen recently posted…One Month In Alaska!
I come from the opposite side of this as I am a wedding planner. But your tips are accurate! To add to your list I always tell brides: Don’t go into debt for your wedding, it’s not worth the after marriage stress of having wedding bills to pay. Especially since most fights/divorces start over money problems.
Another one is, don’t stress. It’s supposed to be your day and the planning is actually supposed to be fun. If you relax and enjoy it, and don’t get caught up in the things you can’t control and roll with the punches. You’ll enjoy your day and the days before, so much more!
Good luck with your wedding prep!
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